You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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