What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
