Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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