My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
two words...techno handjob
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
