Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
