Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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