I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
