I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
