The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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