On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
