Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
