worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
