since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
i need some magic done to my vagina
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
