that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
