Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
