i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
there was a trapeze. enough said
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Randomize
