the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Michael Bay diarrhea
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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