ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
