U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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