I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
