'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
