tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
