Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
false alarm, still single
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