If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
