if i can run in heels then i can drive
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
