i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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