Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
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