Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
