Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
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