I think I died a long time ago.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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