from now on my penis is your penis
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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