onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
