i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
