brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
