Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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