did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
