when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
