so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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