I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
