You can't special order awesome
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Is it because I queefed?
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
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