I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
