Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
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