Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
All I want is dick and wine.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
