I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I take back everything I said about communal showers
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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