I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
