I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
