im drinking this country out of the recession.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
