Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
