420 ftw
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Randomize
