Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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