woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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